Title: Cherish
Author: MissAnnThropic
E-Mail: miss_annthropic@yahoo.com
Summary: John has a human weakness.
Disclaimer: None of it's mine. I'm just a sad little fangirl that spends her days writing fanfic and watching taped episodes of her favorite shows :(



I have a human weakness. Don't scoff and don't even start, I know what you want to say; I have many human weaknesses. That's not what this is about, I'm trying to be serious here for a minute.

I know, you don't do serious either... not the kind of serious I'm going to be getting into. That's okay too, you don't have to understand or anything, you just have to listen. Although an answer would be nice, but I'm not even going to hold my breath for that much.

I had a lot of things on Earth, things I guess you wouldn't really understand. We humans define ourselves a lot by the things important to us. Sometimes that's all people are, the sum of those things that they live for... the ones who keep them going when all hezmana breaks loose and the dogs of hell have got the scent of your blood burning in their mouths.

Sorry... I didn't mean to bury human nonsense in more human nonsense. I'll keep away from the analogies from now on.

So anyway, I had things, stuff that meant a lot to me. I had my family, that was a big one. My dad, my sisters, the memory of my mother... those were probably the most important. I'm sorry that that's something you can't know; I don't know what I would have done or how I would have turned out without them. I had my friends, DK, the guys at IASA... the personal and professional respect they had for me was very meaningful... yeah, I've gotten good at getting by without one iota of respect out here.

Off topic, because that's neither here nor there, either.

I had my home, the little things about my home town that I know just because I walked those streets a thousand times. My dogs, the primitive quadrupeds that I think teach a lot of people their first lessons in what real unrestrained love is and just how much we're able to give of it. My car... what I wouldn't give for a spin in the old T-Bird.

My work. My job meant so much to me, and maybe that part you can get. You're a pilot; you can dismiss and belittle and degrade all you want, I don't really mind much anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm one too. I'm a pilot, Aeryn; I know the skies, and I've touched the heavens, and that's a big part of me too.

Lots of little things, and they completed me because I was each and every one of them. I had things I loved, things I treasured and guarded. Memories, people, places, things...

I've lost all of that here. None of the things that I held dear are with me now... they're gone. You understand that too, and I'm still sorry for that. Your ejection from the life you knew and loved will always be my fault.

So maybe I don't have the right to ask anything of you, I'd buy that if you threw it back at me. You might be right, maybe I'm out of line here. Maybe... maybe not.

I have nothing out here, and humans need something to cling to. I need something to hold on to out here, Aeryn. If I don't have a guiding light I'll guarantee you I'll get lost. If I don't have a touchstone I'm going to wander forever.

That's not your problem, I know that, but it's become your problem and for that I'm sorry too.

It's become you, Aeryn. Where or when I don't know exactly, but it did, and I have to ask because the possession is basic to me. I need one thing to ground me, because I do have a tendency to fly into the sun.

Can I cherish you?



END